This post is for one of the most special person I know – She is leaving to pursue a 2-and-a-half year program at NID, Gandhinagar. She will be sorely missed, but I wish her luck for a great, great design career ahead. After all, she is one of the 9 people in the entire India this year who will study this program! Remember, first step is the hardest…
We are a bunch of emotional people who would love to cry given a slightest of the opportunity. Be it daily soaps, rising prices or just India losing a cricket match – provocation always results in a ‘tear-jerk’ reaction, following Newton’s third law. There are many factors, reasons, causes that can make us cry, but Goodbye’s are a special category. It evokes emotions like nothing else and breaking all barriers, tears go trickling down our cheeks. Whether its a temporary Goodbye or a permanent one, we cry like there’s no tomorrow.
But I find it really difficult to cry on exactly that moment. Is it the burden of upholding the image of a Man in the society or am I just too shallow? Well, here’s why I don’t cry while saying my goodbye’s and why I will not also cry while dropping my friend when she boards her train:
Enough Crying Done Already: Be it your last day in school / college, going away from home to study/work , breaking off from a bad relationship or getting married to the person you loved (an everyone opposed), we feel so happy all the while that we have done it! but when the moment of truth hits us, we cry. Consider this – we plan for it, we work hard for it, we execute it and we achieve it. We cry so much in the process that being successful becomes our goal and we would like to just dash past the finishing line. So, when you have already cried so much, what’s the point to cry and make it look like the worst thing ever happened / happening in your life. There must be some other ways to show you care for what’s left behind!!
Its Happening for Good: Sometimes, you have this feeling that its all happening for good. And if I ever feel that, I would never cry whatever the situation may be. This is because I have convinced and overpowered my heart so much that I can never risk becoming the hurdle or bad omen for something starting afresh, having a lot of promise, hope and good times ahead. Extremely difficult to let the logic take over in such a situation, but I really cant help and get four drops of token tears on my cheeks that I wipe off as soon the other person turns away.
Root Cause of Goodbye: How can I cry if I am the cause of the Goodbye anyway? I am the one who ushered / pushed / made a case for the very change causing the Goodbye situation? I was the one always supporting, always game for the change and worked tacitly to convert a ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ and ‘never’ into a ‘lets try’…I would be the last person on earth to cry in such situations.
Avoiding Me-too Situation: When there are enough people already crying, I wouldn’t want to join the chorus and expend my share of tears too. It really becomes hard to find out in such situations as to who is the actual person in pain and who is the one who really cares? Anyway, sometimes people cry with wisdom that such a situation warrants crying (ex. sending off ceremony in marriages) and it might look odd if we don’t. I hold back the temptation and let out my tears in personal conversation where the person will actually notice and understand my feelings. Its difficult really to judge a person if he is actually bothered about you or just faking it.
When Goodbye actually becomes Goodbye, the real period of pain and crying starts – it finally ‘sinks – in’ the cruel game that has been played by fate; suddenly you realize that there is a void, that can’t be filled or past that can’t be undone.
That’s when it hits me and hits me hard.
P.S.> All of the above are applicable in the situation I am in currently – So, my friend, I may not show but I have cried my tears.