The Expectations Conundrum: I am here, where are you?


It is expected in a relationship that both individuals understand the unsaid demands and expectations of one another – some sort of mystical bond which helps you gauge what the other person would be comfortable with or agree to.  If sometimes people can’t see through, they need to be told or explained in words or any other form of communication. It is an imperative to express your desires/expectation, get understood and vice versa. To Simplify, let’s take a peek into life of X (the guy) and Y (the gal)…

Expectations and desires change with time – Today, X wants this, tomorrow he expects that and so on…. But, most of the time, X wants Y to guess what he desires or expects from her – as if she gets a relay of X’s thoughts in her mind…If X does not see that happening, X talks to Y about what he wants, sulks and make huge issue out of it…..As a result, either Y fulfills these expectations or they keep arguing on the same and fall out…This is what we would call ‘important expectations’…

X has some desires and expectations which are ‘good-to-have’, but ones which X can do without… we would call them ‘good-to-have’ expectations…These are things which X desires, communicates and then either he forgets/accept the status quo or simply move on. This is where the whole confusion starts.

Y, who has been all the while listening to X’s ‘good-to-have’ expectations, is deeply dented/moved by her inability to gauge X’s expectation and do nothing about it… Thanks to all this, Y gets fixated at that point in time. It’s like a time warp, where Y is standing still and X has moved on.

Y then thinks of fulfilling those ‘good-to-have’ expectations for X, and it becomes a mission of sorts for her. She puts in a lot of effort, makes sacrifices, learns new things, embraces change and does everything possible… Small price to pay for a stronger, better relationship – She thinks.

And when Y is ready, she surprises X and gives him what he always expected…but, he doesn’t find the fulfilled expectation amusing or anything great about it. Y is heartbroken and confused – what did I do wrong? Isn’t this is what he always expected?

That’s the whole point – to understand the expectations. No one in a relationship can discuss A to Z of their lives. What’s necessity for you right now… may not be a thing of use to you tomorrow…It’s difficult keeping current with your own expectations, let alone that of the other person..This is because experience changes people’s perspective and it is different for all individuals…

I guess only way to come out of this situation is to keep asking your partner about what they would like to do….But, need to do this in a subtle manner…you would not want to spoil the surprise part of this whole exercise…

Keep current with their expectations….otherwise all your effort will go down the drain…

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