The Act of Moving On…


Think about it – how many times you have been advised or you have advised others to move on in life over some situation… I guess zillion times…But, how many times you or your friends moved on from that particular situation..?? I can safely guess…very few or even none…we still hold the grudge/pain/anguish/guilt/helplessness close to our heart as it would be a dear friend….

Why on earth we can’t move on…What is that ‘thing’ that just doesn’t let go of the memories…why do we ‘thrive’ in the state of abeyance?? What is so ‘sexy’ about feeling/being miserable??

In the instances where I/people around me did not move on, I discovered that this whole process starts with some common thoughts that don’t let you move on:

– How can this happen to me?

– I have the poorest luck in this whole world!

– I am being victimised!

– God is unfair to me…

– I did whatever needed to be done…still..

– How can he/she get what I deserve!

– I have lost…

– I am useless/ugly/incapable/loser…

– I never got what I wanted in life…

– How can he/she not like me…

– Only If I was born somewhere else…

– He/She cheated me..played with my trust/faith…

and so on.. if you take a closer look at these statements, all of them are externally controlled (meaning you can’t change any of these or have control over..)…shifting the blame on someone else (read fate mostly)…which is quite human thing to do…and as B*Witched says “Won’t blame it on myself, Just blame it on the weatherman”

Now, the combination of these thoughts and the fact that we can’t do much about it..puts us in endless circles…and we feel comfy in the miserable situation that we are in… we start liking it and think of us as one hapless, unlucky human being upon which great injustice has been done…adding the extra attention and care that you get from your friends just makes being in this state more attractive…

At certain level, all of us have low confidence on our abilities to act well in some situations that demand a lot from you…When we don’t move on..this is exactly what happens…We face difficulty (sometimes we not at all try!!) in doing things in which we faced failure…we fear the unknown…and make that unknown in our minds as defeat..because memories from the past haunt us all the time…….Loosely, this combines with our resistance to accept changes…and makes the whole moving on process complex…

To move on, it depends upon personal capacities and will power…it is not at all an easy thing….It is a mind game which (among many things) depends on how experienced, mature and objective thinker you are..

One thing that surely works is keeping yourself busy…it goes a long way in diverting your mind from endless calculations, assertions and designs that you make in your mind… in unsuccessful relationships, I guess snapping/avoiding all sort of interfaces and communication works the best…people argue it can’t be done in a day….but I have seen lot of people doing avoidance gradually instead of a snap decision and failing miserably at it…They just can’t move on from there…One more ingredient making relationships and life unfathomable…

If only humans were objective like computers…but then, would such a beautiful world exist?

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4 thoughts on “The Act of Moving On…

  1. Yes what you said here about human emotions is very true but I don’t blame on others , I blame myself if I have done a mistake which is closer to a sin…Mistakes we all do and blaming others can be justified in one way or the other but committing a kind of sin won’t come with any excuses or blaming .

    • Agree with you…we always try to find an easy way out by blaming on others…It requires great strength of character to admit that you were wrong…Its hard, but its the right path…

  2. Well Said Sachin, I personally believe life is a set of transactions, some are positive and some are negative….positive ones boost people with confidence to be at the Acme while the negative ones may rub them off badly …However the true judgment of a person mental toughness is all how he accepts life and moves ahead…..After all its all in the mind and the sooner its accepted the better……

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