The Compatibility Debate…


When we think about getting into a relationship, first thing that comes to our mind is “how compatible are we?” or “does our wavelength match?”…. and when we break – up, the #1 reason is – We did not get along well ’cause we weren’t compatible…

Hmm…gives me enough food for thought to discover a)  Why so happens and b) Is finding-the-right-person all about finding someone who is compatible to you?

Well, human nature always looks for birds-of-feather and that is how it all begins…We start with being friends with people who match our taste, possess common hobbies/interests and ideally, have the same dislikes as us…and throughout, we surround ourselves with people who fall into our ‘school-of-thought’…

If you look around…count how many ‘unlike you’ or ‘boho’ friends you have made… (Considering you your self don’t belong to boho category…)…The answer I am very sure would be a small number and am doubly sure that ‘these friends’ would not feature in your close/best friend classification…

Interestingly, as we grow up, our philosophy or perspective starts taking shape and our attitude is gets defined by virtue of our learnings and experiences… and except very few, all of us are not very forthcoming to accept beliefs other than ours… reason why one who is not falling to line or order is bullied by the majority… So, our conditioning and upbringing makes us accept/reject aberration…

All said and done, the basic purpose of being and making friends is to ‘share’ … which we can definitely do much easily with people who think or behave like us….Considering the chain of events, if we have been in our shell/protected space and have only met likeminded people during our formative years, it is more likely that we would try and find someone who matches our likes and dislikes….

‘Is it absolutely necessary that we be in a relationship with a similar person as us?’...is my contention here…It is widely accepted that no two person are exactly alike, think/act alike in all situations…there is some uniqueness about everyone…

Again, is it about finding someone who matches most to us? … I guess ‘Yes’ – to a great extent…In the world around, you will see a lot of relationships  like that…birds-of-feather types…I completely buy the argument of compatibility, but if you look closely, most of these relationships prima facie starts on ‘we are compatible!’ note ends on ‘there was nothing common between us‘….

If you ask me, relationships that last are not about ‘being common’….because, we, as individuals, are continuously evolving… Being compatible is definitely a good ground to begin…but is it enough to sustain…I guess not!

Relationships that work or (last long at least!!) are the ones where individuals get space to evolve, learn new things, gives one freedom to change perspective/opinions on life after any time interval (and gets acceptance from other partner), where opinions are respected and there is just enough room for some sort of solitary space (where the person does introspection and decide on corrective options…also dreams and desires) … all these are function of space and time… but in what quantities, depends on dynamics of the relationship in question…

Connecting the dots…for all the above to happen, you certainly need to have some uncommon ground…to what degree you can allow the “uncommon – ness” to prevail   decides the fate of relationship…

To sum up, sooner or later, you would need to accept ideas and things which you may not like/are completely opposite to your thought process…It is indeed difficult to do something we haven’t done before…and ego and ambitions, just make this whole thing a lot more complicated… voila! we have a recipe for disaster!!!

I have a simple (yet the most difficult) solution to all this, albeit not universal or applicable to one-and-all….but yes, if followed, would certainly make things easier…

Live and Let Live…

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3 thoughts on “The Compatibility Debate…

    • Well…its actually much more than giving space… if you give too much space…you become isolation…providing space combined with an open mind and horizon, so that you can accept the differences in personalities…

      remember…what is right for you, may be wrong for some one else…so gotta accept other’s point of view as well…

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