How I started focussing and stopped being disillusioned…

This is a burning question inside every average human being – “Do I join the crowd and toil hard for that extra comfort/luxury etc.?” or “Do I quench my thirst for doing something extra/make a difference in my/other’s  life?”…This thought pre – occupied my being since I have graduated…However, I was disillusioned enough and I kept flowing with the tide and chasing the “better life” dream ever since…but, time and again, I have done introspection and found that I don’t want to do what I am doing, not because I don’t like it or I am not good at it….rather I will do something else, something creative which will give me a greater satisfaction and hence, happiness and peace (The two most elusive commodities these days)….However, I went on, disillusioned…still..:(

Upon reading Bertrand Russell, I have some consolation/ support to my philosophy on how to lead my rest of the life. (Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 3rd Earl Russell, OM, FRS (18 May 1872 – 2 February 1970) was a British philosopher, logician, mathematician, historian, socialist, pacifist and social theorist).

Now, the background – As per Russell, humans have two impulses – Possessive (to acquire something material like property, gold etc.) and Creative (to acquire something for which there is no privacy and which can’t be possessed, like invention, poetry, writings etc.)…Russell asserts that ideally, a man should have more of creative impulses than possessive impulses…he also talks about a socialist society where people who want to have more creative influence and want to get out of the race of acquiring assets, can do so…with society helping them along by letting him work less (and get paid accordingly)…

However, the creative impulses come for a price… The individual following creative pursuits should be strong enough to forego a life of luxury and do only that amount of work which is necessary for his existence.

Now, this was written at the time of World War – I (1917)…the society/government around us has changed to a great extent…We live in a federal democracy with Capitalism just around the corner…The underlying meaning of what he said still remains current…

This actually forced me to think…Will the race of  “better life” ever stop?…. Would I continue to suppress my innermost desires of doing something which I like (Change/take your own path) or  continue doing what I am doing currently (my comfort zone/follow the herd)?…

Think about it…We always have a target in mind about our material possession…we are earning X amount right now, we think of earning 2X amount…we have a small car (which like totally fulfils our needs), but our heart is on that luxury sedan…Cellphones, clothes, shoes, jewellery, music players, laptops…hmm…the list can take a lot of space if I go on…and problem occurs, when we do not have enough means to acquire this ‘wishlist’….that’s when we see people who have all this, compare them with us…and feel sad/motivated to reach/exceed their levels….Here’s the catch…this is a recurring cycle which repeats itself once you have acquired your desired levels….There is no dearth of people with riches…lifelong it goes on…keeping us on toes to acquire….(For people who like having possessive impulses – great! keep it up… at least you know what you want out of your life…!!!)

Well … much to my dismay, I still could not find the ‘right’  or ‘one’ definite answer…but, I certainly know for sure, that this is time I nurtured my creative impulses… I see myself  devoting time on things which I really want to do…(one of them is writing, and this blog is the medium)…Slowly and gradually, the transition has to happen…Its not easy…but, who said following your own path is easy….What makes it complicated is your role in various relationships you have…I get reminded of the The Matrix Series here…What is truth and what is reality, only someone like Neo can crack the code….and good news is, we have many Neo’s around the world coming to terms with the Matrix and following their own path…

Decide for yourself…What’s your path going to be…

Notes on ‘Bitching’

Its an inherent part of our everyday life..! We all have done it at least once (its an understatement!)…and we all have enjoyed or derived sadistic pleasure out of it…this is no bastion of a particular sex …both men and women have been found to do it in equal proportions…Yes, bitching is an activity that we all resort to (for pleasure, to vent out or get back at someone!, or simply just for kicks!!!)…and at the same time feel guilty about doing so… quite a cornucopia of emotions I must say…

Anyways… this post is not about weighing pro’s and con’s of bitching… I just want to go a step back and think why we do it on earth? Is it for personal gain? or for getting one up on people? or we simply surrender to the habit…could be all this or more…So, here’s my top 5 on why we (or to be politically correct..people like me) bitch…

#1 We bitch because we dislike some people and want everyone to have same opinion on them…We bitch because people are fool enough to believe us and make opinions based on our judgement. Actually, they feel lazy (or just want to save the effort of communication)… and will have anything instead of nothing!

#2 We bitch because we want to become popular by passing on masala news (which everyone wants to hear!!) on people… We bitch because we feel powerful of possessing some information which others do not have…

#3 We bitch for penance..this one is cool… when we change camps/shift loyalties  (I mean one set of friends to another)…we bitch about people of the camp we have left…why we do it? because previously, we used to do it about the camp we have just joined…our very own, ingenious mechanism of justice!!

#4 We bitch because we want to discuss how bad/good people or their situations are…and we compare it with our own and feel sorry/good about it…and basically want a secondment (!!) by the person we are bitching to…bitching does evoke emotions even in the coldest of the people 🙂 ….

#5 We bitch because its an ice breaker between two people…and helps up build trust and brings us closer (trust me on this!!)…Imagine of this like  ‘I have brought this on table, what have you got…?’ … This also have to do with the bitching content…usually what we bitch is very exciting and interesting (otherwise it won’t qualify as bitching!!)…so, this opens up the gates for people…suppose if I tell you some gossip over a period of time…it is highly likely that you are going to share some gossip or something that you wanted to discuss with me… (unless somebody has bitched about me to you ;)…) … This is what is also termed in civilized behaviour as “common ground” or finding the same “wavelength”….

 

Lets bitch some more….

 

The Art of Decision Making…

When placed in a uncomfortable, complex situation by life and asked to decide the future course of action, we become jittery…  decision making is afterall, an art…those who are fluent in this, sail through, others, and the majority have to put up with the repercussions….

In such a situation, we have lot of factors trying to influence our decision. For example,

– What will people think and how will they accept it?

– What if the things don’t turn out as I thought they would (if I decide to take one course of action)?

Coupled with dwindling confidence and clouds of uncertainity, we only end up thinking too much about the decision. How do we get out of this situation?

Simple..by justifying our decision…

Usually, we become unsure by too much thought on the decision and end up in a deadlock…then..we share it with someone close, like a friend and tell them what we want to do, get their support and voila!…we are ready to take the decision…

Lets read the finer print.. I am not saying, we just can’t take a decision…Actually, there is some kind of guilt attached to the decision we are about to take…Majorly, its the guilt that makes us unsure and pushes us to think in various dimensions….so, by confirming our decision with a friend, we reduce/remove the guilt attached and are much happier and find it easy now to take the decision…

However, over a period of time, and past some ‘n’ number of decisions, we become more self dependant in taking the decisions….What I have seen is, only decisions pertaining to relationship and career put you in such situations….that is, you seek out advice and justify your decisions…

otherwise, its mostly we, on our own…

Curious Case of Friends…

Consider this… A is a ‘good’ friend of B.

B has another friend C.

B introduces C to A.

A and C become close friends and forget B in process.

Imagine yourself in B’s place. How exactly you will feel –  neutral? jealous? fooled? or just continue as nothing happened…If you felt jealous and like a fool, read on…

What makes us feel like we own people’s live and they would act in a manner which we like…its a natural feeling and nothing to be ashamed of…everybody likes attention, being pampered, being talked about and so on…especially when it comes from a person who has entered your circle – of – trust and whom you look upon as an ‘ally’….

I have three explanations, and I think its a culmination of all three:

1) It is a ‘power thing’… as teens and youth, our power seems to be how ‘popular’ we are among friends…we start creating armies of friends (without realizing the fact that we even consider acquaintances as friends)…so obviously, if comrades are leaving you, you ought to get hurt and feel jealous and what not… 

2) May be it was destined to be so…meaning…it was one of life’s design to have B introduce C to A…and eventually get out of the process…don’t ask how life can be cruel to B and generous to A and C – who knows, may be life has a better design for B…:)

3) The most relevant….we feel defeated…we considered ourselves better attached to B than C…how can C come out as a better person in A’s eyes?? We feel cheated…and just can’t digest the fact that A considers C’s advice better…finds him a better company to hangout and spend time with…we feel exposed before ourself… as if we lack basic qualities as a person and people are just putting up a face with us and not actually enjoying our company…. mutliplying the effect is our low self confidence and esteem…..

 

Just another thing making life complicated, a puzzle of sorts… 

 

 

 

Relationships…

Life wouldn’t have been what it is without relationships…we would be like machines then…nothing to emote, more importantly, no one to emote…I strongly feel, a person is a cumulative product of relationships he has had/not had in his entire life…

are relationships bad or good? productive or destructive? suppliments you or compliments you? neccessity or just a passing order? I have no clue! I just know that all stakes depend on how badly you want to be related to the person on the either side and whether you want  to continue or not, no matter whatever shape it takes.

Numerous people around me, sustain a relationship because, they can’t let go of that person. The person seems to be the raison de etre of their existence…even though that person may be ruling them, using them or ignoring them! They take all the tantrums, pain, idiosyncracies, whims that person has to offer…They even let them be like they are…and in the process, suffer pain, anguish and become insecure about the relationship. Nice price to pay for “being in a relationship with the person they want”…

Why this happens?? do we really love that person so much that we can ignore what the inner core is like and our own interests are compromised? or do we fear to invest time and energy again to get a person like that? or do we simply don’t like to lose or can’t digest that somebody doesn’t like us?  

Wish we all knew the answers… but then, life would not have been what it is….